I submit to God who I am, for I now have the courage to allow myself to look beneath the mask that covers what’s inside. Praise to God, for I stand in humility and I’m now, truly naked. Where do I begin my confessions? Certainly, I must now commit treason to expose my own treason.
Please know the heights of my arrogance before I was transformed, because, a beginning point in my confessions, it appears, is to reveal that I marveled at my own sublime genius. The ability to move the entire globe with such ease astonished even me, as I mentally tested various financial concoctions and poisonous monetary cocktails. Once they were perfected, I would then proceed to use them as if they were venomous snakes, planting them under all the world’s rocks.
Oh, and when President George W. Bush asked me how derivatives get dangerous? Well, years before, I’d asked myself that same question while performing pecuniary experiments in my mental laboratory for bloodless war making. Eventually, my group had developed the nuclear bombs in our arsenal of financial weapons of mass destruction – our very own Little Boy and Fat Man.
I’ll spare the details of the plan for now, but when Dubya finally understood it, he said, “I may not be the smartest man in the room, but I don’t think it’ll work. Seriously, you’re going to create a fake housing boom to create dangerous and lethal securities from the home loans, and then sell them to other countries to kill those countries!”
Cheney and I looked at each other and grinned.
POTUS 43 continued, “There are too many flaws in your plan. First of all, the banks aren’t going to make home loans to families that can’t afford to pay the mortgage. The banks are simply not going to take that kind of risk. And second, families aren’t going to want to buy homes they can’t afford. The whole premise doesn’t make sense. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is that stupid.”
My plan worked worldwide and nations upon nations submitted to global powers because of my manufactured Great Recession. Dubya’s common man persona and intellect had initially blocked his ability to see the genius in my plan, but he was fully supportive of the globalization agenda. I knew, that despite Thomas Jefferson’s warning that “financial institutions are more dangerous than standing armies,” I could indeed use financial institutions as a military operation and disguise the magic of it all! Co-opting the banks for covert military operations was easy and the magic in covering up the fraud was when I manufactured the “Too Big to Fail” mantra; this kept the investigative hounds from digging too deep. So yes, I heeded Thomas Jefferson’s statement and implemented it, proving the famous statesman’s warning that indeed, financial institutions are more dangerous than standing armies.
Lately, when I look into the metaphorical mirror, viewing the past through the lens of a philosopher, the reasonable man of facts is absent and I see nothing but a haggard criminal worthy of harsh adjectives. In one fantasy, I imagined being on the outside looking in. Without knowing the why of the criminal’s actions, I deem the gallows fitting for the guilty, and clamor to watch his last breath as he hangs from a rope while his body flutters and twitches like a tail torn from a lizard.
Despite knowing the why, it’s exhausting to keep my fist out of the wall on an easy day, and on a hard day, I was once tempted to grab the 9mm handgun in the desk drawer, swallow the barrel, and end it before counting to one. Thankfully, my fear of my daughter and grandson seeing my brains on the wall and me with a big hole in the back of my head stopped me.